1. If you're going to purchase a $30 ticket to a breakfast that starts at 8 a.m., and you live about 2.5 hours from the venue, you should either A) spring for a hotel room near said venue or B) set multiple alarm clocks so that you do indeed leave on time.

My day got off to a crappy start, as my alarm was set for 4 a.m. (intended departure time 4:30 a.m.), and I didn't actually wake up until 6:15 a.m.. No joke. My alarm went off for a full two hours before shutting itself down, and I slept through the entire thing. I attribute this to the fact that it was my first night ever at home without Scout (he was at my mom's). I must sleep more deeply when he's not with me.

Anyway, Barack Obama wasn't even on stage by the time I arrived, and I missed Amy Sedaris's instructions on how to clean a vagina. I did, however, make it in time to eat a small, semi-stale muffin with exactly ONE raisin and listen to the very old, very curmudgeonly John Updike rant about how the electronic age is killing authors and their works and how booksellers must become defenders of the page! People walked out left and right. To me, the whole thing sounded very much like, "I'm a dinosaur and I don't like it!" But that could just be me.

2. Make sure you go with a good friend.

The morning was quickly redeemed when I met up with Laura Bowers (a.k.a. laurabowers), who is not only adorable and spunky but incredibly fun and enthusiastic. We were BEA virgins, but luckily met up early with E. Lockhart (a.k.a. Emily), who showed us around for the first part of the morning. We went to see Elise Broach, who was signing copies of her new book DESERT CROSSING. There we met Doug Rees, who is the nicest, warmest guy you can imagine. More wandering ensued, as Emily pointed out all of the good galleys and Laura started loading her bag with anything she could get her hands on ("Rookie mistake!" she declared later).

At 11 we went to see Emly sign galleys for THE BOY BOOK, the eagerly awaited sequel to THE BOYFRIEND LIST, and I got to meet some really enthusiastic members of Random House's marketing and sales staff (Emily as E. Lockhart and I as myself both publish with Delacorte, an imprint of Random House). Then Laura and I headed to the autograph tables, where we got Tobin Anderson's new title signed and then immediately queued up for Meg Cabot (I was second in line). Which leads us to ...

3. If you're willing to queue up an hour early just to spend fifteen seconds with one of your literary idols, you might use at least some of that time to consider what you're going to say.

Instead of doing what I did, which is totally NOT pre-thinking anything and then, once in line, babbling something like, "I think you're absolutely brilliant and a total inspiration," which is a nice compliment but makes more sense if you know I'm a writer (the part about inspiration I mean). Only, I failed to ID myself as anything but a babbling idiot. So. You know. It was still great to be able to tell her I think she's brilliant, even if she'll never remember what I said or why.

4. Bring cash.

This is kind of a no-brainer, right? I'm usually really good about bringing money to conferences and stuff, but I blanked and brought like $12 to BEA and had to write a check for parking and ran out of money entirely before lunch just buying Diet Cokes and bottles of water. Insanity! Laura was nice enough to subsidize lunch (Diet Coke and french fries), and later I found an ATM that begrudgingly gave me $20. Thank god everything but beverages was totally free!

5. Don't automatically shout, "Oh my god! Hi!" when you see an old friend unexpectedly, because she might be in an actual business meeting and you may therefore be completely embarrassing.

I ran into MANY old friends at BEA (librarians, teachers, other authors, etc.), but was totally unprepared to see Kirsten Cappy. So when I did, I made a huge fuss and she was actually in a real meeting with people who thought I was beyond idiotic. Fortunately, I didn't get her into trouble or anything. And we saw each other later and were able to chat in more depth.

6. If you are not in peak physical condition, be prepared to hurt.

The first couple of hours were okay, but after lunch Laura and I went to our cars to dump out the first round of books. After that, I should've felt better, right? Only, everything was sore by then, especially the ankle and toes on my left foot, because I apparently carried more galley weight on that side than my right. At any rate, the rest of the day was a blur of pain and discomfort. Still fun, of course. But. MY GOD. Laura and I decided if we go again we will train first.

7. Having a game plan helps.

I made a list the night before of all the signings I wanted to hit, and Laura and I did indeed hit each one (plus some). And I didn't even freak out about the scheduling until we were running late for David Levithan. I needn't have worried; we made it through his line with time to spare. Although his line was moving VERY SLOWLY, and I had to wonder if he was chatting up each person on purpose, to extend the length of his line (a famous author I know once told me about this trick, to make yourself appear more popular at signings than you really are). He was so nice, though, I forgave him the 20 minutes that should've lasted five.

8. If your mother with the broken elbow offers to watch your dog while you're off galley grubbing, you probably should spend the time waiting to get her the new Laura Lippman, signed.

I first met Laura almost a decade ago, not long after her first book came out. My mom is hooked on her books, so now whenever I go anywhere authorly she's always like, "WILL LAURA BE THERE?" So I queued up early for her, too (was fourth in line) and got to say hi and get Mom a signed book. Happiness was enjoyed by all.


I feel like I'm leaving out all kinds of fun and juicy details, but I'm not sure what or why. I know I got some amazing galley copies - books I've been dying to read since I first heard about them, like John Green's AN ABUNDANCE OF KATHERINES. (I saw it while waiting for Meg Cabot - some stranger had it and I squealed, "OH MY GOD, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?" Later, the lovely Melissa Rabey, Liz Burns, and Carlie Webber got a copy for me as a thank you for letting Melissa and Liz cut in line for Meg's signing. Did I mention that Meg signed and gave away THREE books? Love her! Love Melissa, Liz, and Carlie too.)

What else? Oh, after the Laura Lippman signing, Laura Bowers and I went out front to meet up with Gretchen Laskas, whose historical YA THE MINER'S DAUGHTER is coming out next spring. She is a freaking HOOT. We stayed at the convention center and ate overpriced rubber hamburgers and flat Diet Cokes, but the conversation was worth it. Love Gretchen! Love her!

Which reminds me: I snagged an ARC of Laura Ruby's GOOD GIRLS, which I've also been dying to read, and Cynthia Leitich Smith's TANTALIZE, and so many other fantastic books that I'm going to be paralyzed when it comes to What to Read Next. But there are definitely worse problems to have!


Must go wrap up the final loose ends of my semester, as I'm turning my grades in this afternoon, before attending Cruce's retirement party (I will not cry. I will not cry. I WILL NOT CRY) and then heading up to Celebrity Kitchens for a Chef Phil meal. Tomorrow Scout has his surgery (Take 2) and I'm so nervous I could puke but am trying to remain calm, cool, and collected. Think good thoughts for my puppy and look for my response to jenlynb's take on GG/VM season finales.