So, last spring I was indoctrinated into the cult of Janet Evanovich. This was inevitable; every novel-reading woman in my life is totally in love with her Stephanie Plum series. First it was the ladies of the WIP, my crit group. Then it was my mom, who was indoctrinated by her best friend and my unofficial second mom, Amy. Finally, when Wendy and I reconnected Summer 2007, I gave her the MY SO-CALLED LIFE DVDs and she gave me a stack of Stephanie Plums. I put off reading them for a while, not sure they were my thing, but then some random day I grabbed ONE FOR THE MONEY and was instantly hooked.

For those of you who've never been indoctrinated by a woman you love, here's a little background:

Stephanie Plum is a thirtysomething Jersey girl who, after being laid off from her job, becomes a bounty hunter for her sketchy cousin Vinnie's bail bonds company, much to the chagrin of her traditional "Burg" mother and the extreme pleasure of her quirky, funeral-loving Grandma Mazur. Despite preferring to keep her gun at home in the cookie jar, Stephanie's mix of luck, sex-appeal and financial desperation turn her into a fairly decent bounty hunter, and each volume in the series focuses around one main case and a couple of b-plot FTAs (as in, Failure to Appears) that give the books their trademark mix of mayhem and mystery.

Evanovich has surrounded her messy but lovable protagonist with a super-fun cast of secondary characters. Fan favorites include the afforementioned Grandma Mazur, who often tries to help Stephanie out with her cases and is always talking about male genitalia; she's the sex-charged version of Sofia from GOLDEN GIRLS, only even more wacked-out. There's also Lula, the ex-ho who was hired to do some office filing for Vinnie but more often than not plays Stephanie's unofficial sidekick. She's 200-plus pounds of woman who likes to cram herself into size 4 mini-skirts and defies anyone to say a word. And of course, there are the men in Stephanie's life, most notably her on-again, off-again cop boyfriend Joe Morelli, the guy who deflowered her back in high school and who, despite loving her and wanting to marry her, really wishes she worked at the button factory, and Ranger, her super-hot Cuban bounty hunter mentor who sizzles with sexual tension but won't even tell anyone where he really lives.

I'm barely scratching the surface here, and not doing this fantastic cast of characters justice, so if you want to know more, check out Stephanie's Wikipedia page here.

Don't get me wrong; this isn't great literature and it's far from high art. But it's some serious fun. You can't even call the Evanovich books guilty pleasures, because there's nothing about reading a smart, laugh-out-loud series that should make someone feel guilty. DVR'ing CELEBRITY REHAB? That's a guilty pleasure. The Stephanie Plum series? Like I said: FUN.

I'm now tearing through book number nine, and as the case has been with each new installment I find myself wondering why no one's turned these books into a TV series. Not long ago Wendy and I were brainstorming the dream cast. In her version, Lula was played by Monique and Duane "The Rock" Johnson tackled Ranger. I thought Susan's first ex-husband on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES would make a perfect Joe Morelli, and neither of us could think of the ideal Grandma Mazur.

Regardless, this is exactly the kind of thing great TV shows are made of. A fiesty and likable lead surrounded by deliciously weird secondary characters. A mystery each week. Awesome opportunities for first-rate guest stars. TV, are you listening? I'd kill for a prime-time Stephanie Plum. And hey - if the major networks would rather pour their resources into flagging dramedies like DIRTY SEXY MONEY, then what about USA, home to such spunky heroines as THE STARTER WIFE's Molly (who, in a recent episode, actually pitched a female bounty hunter series to some execs) and IN PLAIN SIGHT's Witness Relocation Officer with Attitude, Mary Shannon (played by the incomparable Mary McCormack)?

Finally, my question of the day: which book or series of books do YOU think are begging for a TV adaptation?

Random Thoughts I Had While Watching This Week's Episode of CHUCK:

1. I should pause this to explain to Joe, who spent the majority of the '80s living in Mexico, where the names Heather Chandler and Mark Ratner come from. Pretty clever, CHUCK scribe!

2. Holy crap, is that Ben Savage? He isn't aging well.

3. How can I convince Joe that we should enter our wedding reception to the CHUCK theme song instead of the Proclaimers' "(I Would Be) 500 Miles"? Not the Cake song, either, just the loop that they use for the opening credits.

4. Sarah as Jenny reminds me an awful lot of Matthia, except Matthia was the pretty version of Jenny (but not Sarah). Something about the fake braces changes her facial structure dramatically.

5. Why is Chuck considered such a geek? I mean, he works at the Buy More and likes gaming and stuff, but he's a classically good-looking guy and doesn't have any major social defects. And they never call him a geek in the complimentary sense, like, "Chuck likes to geek out to war games and LORD OF THE RINGS." They always act like he was some sort of pariah or something.

6. When actors don braces for costume purposes, do they have to go through the whole tedious process that a kid getting braces goes through? Or, like, does America Ferrera have some super-cool set of braces that magically slips on over her own teeth but aren't stuck to them in any way?

7. Why doesn't Nicole Richie take on more acting jobs? She's very natural. I know she has that kid with the Good Charlotte dude, but she could make a name for herself in the right role. I mean, more than she did being Paris's chunky sidekick or her anorexic ex-sidekick.

8. Does Hillary Duff still hate Nicole Richie for stealing the Good Charlotte dude from her? What's Hillary up to these days anyway? You never hear about her anymore.

9. This is the second TV series in two weeks to feature Hanson's "MmmBop." God, I love that song. It's impossible to feel pissed off when you're listening to "MmmBop."

10. This is the funniest episode of CHUCK so far this season. I wish they were all this good.

Ian Nelson, the cutie who played Eli in TRUE CONFESSIONS OF A HOLLYWOOD STARLET, had a small guest-starring role on last night's episode of THE PRACTICE. And there was recently a gossip mag item about Shenae Grimes, who played Marissa, that referred to her as "the TRUE CONFESSIONS OF A HOLLYWOOD STARLET cutie," even though she's currently starring in the 90210 reboot. I'm not completely into the new 90210 - I think the coolest moment for me, so far, was finding out which original "bro" was Kelly's Baby Daddy. (Despite the fact that they cast Sammy as a small blonde with a big ol' white boy fro, it turns out he's NOT Steve Sanders' offspring.) I'm about one episode away from being over it entirely.

My DVR is already at 60% capacity and I'm having less and less interest in watching ... well, just about anything. Last night Joe and I sat through about four minutes of MAD MEN before deciding we'd rather read before bed. Shows are stacking up at an alarming rate, yet I keep turning the TV off. It's liberating, in a way. Don't get me wrong - there are still a lot of shows I love. PRIVILEGED, for one. But now instead of devouring it 15 minutes after it starts to air (the standard lead time you need to be able to fast forward through every commercial break), I save my DVR'd PRIVILEGED episodes for a few days. They're like a special little snack that you hold onto until you're ready to savor every single bite.

The absolute best part about my declining interest in TV is the number of books I'm able to read, and when I'm able to read them. I'd been falling asleep to TV for the past six months or so. Now the set is off way before bed time, and I can read until I'm drowsy. I've missed that a lot. Drifting off with a great book, instead of power-loading chapters while you're waiting for your next doctor appointment.

Methinks I'll keep tuning out and turning off for a good, long while.

P.S. If anyone knows how to download Season 3 episodes of FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS - you know, the ones that are only airing on Direct TV - then please let me know. Because, um, even though I'm into this whole "tuning out and turning off" thing, I could really use a couple of doses of FNL. Thank you.

So, I read the text of this article before watching the YouTube clip. It made me laugh in a snark-tastic kind of way, but then I actually WATCHED the clip and realized this:

I don't care how cheesy THE HILLS is.

I want to watch.

I will watch.

And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Rob Thomas, just how busy has thy self been? And why didn't I know a thing about any of it? I am a loyal Entertainment Weekly subscriber. I read every issue cover to cover, even the boring stories. So how come I'm only just finding out that:

1) You were the showrunner on MISS GUIDED for, like, fifteen seconds;

2) You're the dude that the CW hired to do that new 90210 spin-off; and

3) ABC has greenlighted an updated version of what VARIETY calls your "brilliant-but-cancelled dramedy" CUPID?

In other news, FOX has already canceled THE RETURN OF JEZEBEL JAMES, that grating sitcom starring Parker Posey and Lauren Ambrose. I'm saddened because A) it was Amy Sherman-Palladino's first post-GILMORE GIRLS venture and B) Sarah, the lead protagonist, was an editor of teen fiction at Harper Collins and a lot of the show revolved around her work.

Here is yesterday's Fun Blog Find: "Fresh Hell." Now, years ago I used to read another blog titled "Fresh Hell," but I can't tell if this is the same one. I'm thinking no, because the author of the other "Fresh Hell" was a pop culture junkie and wrote recaps for Television Without Pity, but didn't actually write her own shows. Then again, how long has it been since I read the other "Fresh Hell"? I do not remember.

I've been spending a lot of time lately fantasizing about what kind of day jobs I'd love to have. Because even though I have sold eight books and paid out a few advances, the cold hard truth is that I still need outside employment to pay the mortgage and keep healthy kibble in Scout's bowl. I took this semester off from teaching because I wanted to find some steady full-time work that wouldn't crush my soul but would pad my bank account. Of course, I only seem to look for full time work when our economy is firmly in the toilet (like when I first moved back to DE in Dec. 2001). It doesn't help that I'm overqualified for entry level and underqualified for most the stuff I'd like to do, which would be move into training and development. In a different economy, when people with dual master's degrees aren't forced to take customer service jobs at Bank of America, this wouldn't be an issue: I'm bright, I'm talented, I have a solid work history, and a savvy employer would take a chance on me even if I didn't have the requisite three years experience. But that's just not the case in this job market.

So in honor of my current search, I'd like to present a list of five jobs I'd kill to have:

1. Author of "Pop Candy." I'm two degrees from Whitney Matheson (my co-features editor junior year at THE REVIEW was Leanne, who's friends with Whitney), and I remember when this was a start-up venture that USA TODAY was hoping would work out. Now it's a freaking phenomenon, and whenever I read it I think, "I could do this. I could do this well." Alas, the world only needs one Whitney Matheson, and it doesn't look like she and her Chuck Taylors are retiring any time soon.

2. Food writer. Over the past several years I've turned into a bona fide foodie, but even though I love to play Rachael Ray in my own kitchen I know I lack the patience and fortitude to be a professional chef. (And yes, I know Rachael isn't a professional chef, but you know what I mean so don't get all food snobbery on me.) Recently I started reading some awesome foodie blogs that made me think, "Huh. Food writing." In all honesty, this is probably something I could eventually do, and unlike writing for television (which you all know is a dream of mine), I wouldn't have to move to LA or NY or Toronto to do it. Food for thought (pun intended).

3. Prop Master for GOOD EATS. Every time I watch the show, I think how fun it would be to construct larger-than-life-size models of molecules, animal anatomy, and knife blades. I'm not kidding. Back in college, I took a course on prop design and set construction my senior year. If only I'd discovered how much I loved those things sooner. Alas, much like graphic design, I was thisclose to diploma in hand when I realized I'd probably majored in the wrong things. (P.S. I think it would be fun to do just about anything on GOOD EATS, including researching the science/history and writing scripts. Hey, Alton - need someone new on crew?)

4. Casting Director. Unfortunately, this is another profession that requires one to reside in a big metropolitan city. But hey, how fun would it be to read scripts and then audition actors to fill the various roles? I think it would be especially fun to do this for a TV series like LAW & ORDER.

5. Being Jennifer Laughran. As in, book buyer. As in, mastermind behind Not Your Mother's Book Club. As in, associate agent for the Andrew Brown Literary Agency. I know this woman works her buttocks off, but still - it sounds like Fun with a capital F.

And oh! I just looked at the clock and realized I'm running late for an interview. Happy Thursday!

So, Monday marked the return of CBS's killer lineup of sitcoms: THE BIG BANG THEORY, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, TWO AND A HALF MEN (not as good as it used to be, but still funny) and THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE (which, actually, has been on for a few weeks, but is made even better by appearing after all of the other sitcom-y goodness).

There has been a lot of ink spilled since FRIENDS went off the air that the sitcom was dead. Try to tell Chuck Lorre that. THE BIG BANG THEORY has not only helped the Geek Chic revival, it's consistently one of the smartest, funniest shows on TV. And it's a traditional sitcom, not a single-camera one like THE OFFICE.

As for HIMYM - next week is Britney Spears' big guest-starring turn, but I am less excited about that than the reappearance of the Yellow Umbrella, which fans of the show knows is owned by THE MOTHER HERSELF. Seriously, the last twenty seconds of Monday's episode - when Ted leaves the club holding the umbrella and talking about how his life had changed and he didn't even know it yet? It gave me chills.

Back to the Geek Chic revival: is it me, or is this season of BEAUTY & THE GEEK absolutely repugnant? I've actually liked past seasons, but this new crop of Beauties are some of the worst offenders EVER. Plus, I'm not liking the new Beauties vs. Geeks format - part of the joy of years past was watching the Beauties and the Geeks interact. Like, Dave and Jasmin - who would've thought they'd end up not only liking each other, but winning the whole shebang?

More thoughts on current reality TV:

1. Joanie on CELEBRITY FIT CLUB: BOOT CAMP - how is it possible that you are almost a decade younger than my mother but look old enough to be her mother? Or at least a much older big sister? It's called SPF: use it sometime.

2. AMERICA'S BEST DANCE CREW: Breaksk8 - you were robbed. Also, Li'l Mama needs to stop saying "ya'll" every two seconds. It gives me a headache.

3. TOP CHEF, how I've missed thee. This is already looking like the best season yet. Phatness!

4. Whitney from ANTM: I want to like you. I need to like. So stop being such an incredible beyotch ALL OF THE FREAKING TIME. Also, Fatima - your days are numbered, even if you do have an important platform.

5. ROCK OF LOVE 2 / FLAVOR OF LOVE 3 - if the two of you C-list celebs ask one more time "who's here for me," I'm going to puke. Isn't fame whoring the side effect of looking for true love on a VH1 reality series? Come on, guys. Be real. That said, go Daisy! Go Hotlanta!

Must go be a productive citizen. Or at least pretend to be one.

Last week, the web series QUARTERLIFE ambitiously tried to move from the Internet to NBC prime time. The experiment was such a "horrific" failure that two days after its broadcast premiere, the show was yanked from NBC's schedule and reloacted to sister network Bravo for the rest of its six-episode run.

Can't say I'm all that surprised.

Then again, I am surprised at how little QUARTERLIFE moved me. One, because lizgallagher went nuts for it, and we share similar TV tastes. Two, because the series is a Herskovitz/Zwick joint (those are the guys who brought us MY SO-CALLED LIFE, the gold standard in angsty teen fare, not to mention THIRTYSOMETHING and other critically acclaimed - if low rated - series). And three, because I understand the idea of a quarterlife crisis, and in fact held tight to one of my favorite Douglas Coupland quotes throughout that entire decade: "Your 20s are muck and shit and pain and loneliness and horror."

But here's the thing: that Coupland quote is raw, honest, and spot-on. QUARTERLIFE is safe, dishonest, and pretty much missed the mark.

(WARNING: Spoilers ahead!)

The premise of the show is that Dylan, an angsty twentysomething writer stuck in a corporate magazine job, starts a video blog chronicalling the life and times of her crew in excrutiating, navel-gazing detail. She blasts Lisa, her bartending aspiring actress of a roommate, for sleeping around and then drinking too much to fill the loneliness. She outs Jed, the guy she's in love with, for being in love with his best friend Danny's girlfriend Debra. What Dylan doesn't do is out herself - though she records herself admitting her affection for Jed, hearing him tell her he thinks he might have a chance with Debra makes her delete it before it even gets to post. Oh, and there's this geeky guy Andy who's apparently got the hots for Dylan, but other than providing minor comic relief I can't for the life of me figure out what his role is.

The various love/longing combinations remind me of that great VW commercial that made "Pink Moon" a hit in the late '90s. Only, the minute-long commercial nails the complexities of wanting someone who doesn't want you far better than QUARTERLIFE's verbose 42 minutes of air time. Other issues I had: Debra is supposed to be the great beauty of the group, yet she's a slightly mousey, tomboyish cutie in Lisa Loeb glasses. Even Lisa, the slutty actress wannabe, is posited as making Dylan feel unattractive, yet hello! Bitsie Tulloch, who plays Dylan with lots of teeth and dimples, is clearly the prettiest of the three girls - even if she does dress for her grown-up job much like Angela Chase suited up for high school.

The character flaws are predictable: Danny's a womanizer who, despite saying he wants to move in with Debra clearly has a flirtation/possible affair with a hot car salesperson after a commercial shoot; Jed's sensitivity appeals to Debra, who feels neglected by Danny but too sexually compatible with him to actually explore an emotionally intimate relationship with Option #2; Lisa's acting teacher yells at her for being too closed off and not owning her own sexuality, which is so ironic considering that Lisa's getting more than any of the other six friends combined; and Dylan has trouble speaking up for herself, even when her bitchy, ambitious supervisor at the magazine steals a cool idea and passes it off on her own. Brittany, the aforementioned supervisor, could've been taken directly from the pages of "Cartoony Bad Bitches Monthly," straight down to her insults about Dylan's appearance.

I think I could've let all that go if the plot/dialogue offered something for me to sink my teeth into. Instead, when Lisa's entire acting class starts talking about Dylan's blog - including Dylan's deconstruction of Lisa herself - Lisa comes home seething. Justifiably so. But a scant two scenes later, she's serving Dylan food at the bar, and pretty much forgiving her. Huh? Later in the episode, she even compliments Dylan for being strong. I'm sorry, but if I found out one of my best friends was calling me an alcoholic skank on her blog, the only thing she'd be served is a piece of my mind - and maybe a slap to one of her two faces. Jed, too, forgives Dylan for calling him out on his puppy crush on Debra. Like Lisa, he's angry at first, but quickly forgives Dylan because, hey, she's an artist, and it's her job to be honest. Even Danny's reaction is suspect; upon learning that his best friend wants his woman, he makes a few pointed jokes but overall seems pretty cool with the idea. I mean, even Chandler and Joey went several rounds when Chandler stole Kathy out from under him.

And this brings me to my original point of inauthenticity. FRIENDS was a sitcom about twentysomethings in New York, and despite the unrealistic digs and far-too-fancy wardrobes, those characters and their various neuroses feel far more authentic than anything glimpsed in QUARTERLIFE. Hell, even the current sitcom HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER comes closer to the crux of the real quarterlife crisis. (Witness: Ted's search for true love; Lily's struggle with credit card debt; Marshall's conflict over whether or not to sell his soul for a high-paying corporate job; Robin's fear of intimacy and commitment, etc.)

But a lot of other people I know and respect adore QUARTERLIFE, so I have to ask myself: is the series really THAT flawed, or is it me? Have my tastes changed that much since I was in my mid-20s?

Or is it that this scripted version of what it means to be a twentysomething feels just that: scripted. Dylan, Debra, Danny, Lisa, and Jed - they're too pretty, too pat, too seriously self-absorbed to remind me of anyone I knew or hung out with in my own twenties. They are pale Xeroxes of urban hipsters, and if that's the thirtysomething cynic in me making that valuation, so what? I've moved on.

It's true. I'm over QUARTERLIFE without ever haven gotten into it. Because Dylan, you are no Angela Chase, even if you have raided her now-vintage wardrobe.

[But first: Thanks to Sarah Dessen for posting this potentially good piece of FNL news. Liz, spread the word!]

Okay.

So, if you've known me for any length of time you know I used to throw these massive Oscar parties, complete with costume requirements and themed food. Like, the year of CHOCOLAT, there were two kinds of fondue; for FRIDA, there was a make-your-own taco bar and tons of homemade sangria. (Also, my Frida costume is one of my best - maybe even better than the year I went as Mimi from THE DREW CAREY SHOW for Halloween.)

Anyway.

I think the year of FRIDA was also the last year of the Great Oscar Party, a tradition that started all the way back in college. For one thing, the next year I'd moved in with my parents to save up for my house, and Casa de Momma isn't exactly a great party zone. For another, I kind of stopped going to the movies.

Say wha?

It happened around ANCHORMAN. Chris and I had gone on a week night, expecting the theater to be quiet and adult-like. Instead, it was overrun with horny teenagers, some of which we witnessed having actual oral sex a few rows down. They were so loud and obnoxious that I complained to management, who did nothing and offered no compensation whatsoever. We spent something like $11 on each ticket, and for what?

I've only been to the theater a handful of times since then. The last was when Joe and I were in Dover for the Delaware Book Festival. We went to see DAN IN REAL LIFE, which we both enjoyed, but after adding in a large (shared) popcorn and two sodas, we ended up spending something like $35. For a 100-minute movie.

In comparison, on our geeky paint-your-own-pottery dates, we get about two to three hours worth of fun AND a lasting piece of pottery for a combined total of $40-$45 dollars.

My movie watching habits atrophied to the point where I ended up canceling Netflix, because I think I had CRASH for like two months. I still haven't seen it, by the way.

My cable bill - one of those package deals that includes a DVR box, high-speed Internet access, and a broadband phone - runs us about $150 a month. So, to compensate, that's how I started getting my movie fixes: from cable.

So Friday night, instead of watching Oscar-nominated movies we had on DVD (some screeners, even), Joe and I watched AKEELAH AND THE BEE, which I'd DVR'd earlier in the week. (If you don't remember, AKEELAH is the movie about the little girl from a low-income community who goes all the way to the National Spelling Bee, thus inspiring her neighborhood and other little girls like her everywhere.) Oh my gosh, what an adorable movie! I even cried at the end (all I can say is, "L-O-V-E. Love"). Then, because we are such Scrabble dorks, Joe and I launched into two rounds of our favorite game. We almost made it a themed double feature with BEE SEASON, which I'd also DVR'd, but crashed early because I had that speaking gig at the Wicomico Public Library in Salisbury, MD the next day (which was fab, BTW).

ANYWAY.

Sunday morning I tried to watch MICHAEL CLAYTON, but made it about 45 minutes in before passing out from sheer exhaustion. I didn't even bother to try to watch anything else; when I woke, I instead chose to ingest mass quantites of bad reality TV (hello, ROCK OF LOVE II!).

So I skipped most of the red carpet commentary, though I did see enough to wonder why super pale starlets chose these colorless dresses (I'm looking at you, Keri Russel!) Then, the show began, and my boy's eyes began to glaze over. So we compromised: played Scrabble while watching the ceremony.

Besides getting misty-eyed over Diablo Cody's acceptance speech, do you want to know what stood out to me the most? The gross oversight of Brad Renfro during the In Memoriam montage (a montage that of course did not overlook Heath Ledger, and which also made me misty-eyed).

Yep. That was my Oscar experience for 2008. I got creamed in our first game of Scrabble but bounced back in the second one with DENOTED for a 76-point bingo. Woot!

Up tomorrow: another GCC tour, this time with my good friend and pop culture soul sista Jennifer Lynn Barnes, whose two THE SQUAD books I just ordered from Amazon.

Happy Monday, all!

Yesterday I finally allowed myself a double feature of saved FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS episodes, and now I get all of those "poor Tim Riggins!" comments. (Don't worry, I won't be a spoiler.) It is insane how hot I find the aforementioned Tim Riggins. I think he might even bump the dreamy Jordan Catalano out of first place for All Time Dreamy TV Boys.

But anyway.

I noticed that I always, always watch the title sequence to FNL. This is partially because the music is so haunting and emotional (written by the same guy who did the "Go, now, go!" theme song to MY SO-CALLED LIFE, coincidentally), and partially because the images that go with it are even more beautiful - like Lyla Garrity looking longingly at Tim, and Tammy dancing around the living room, and all of the players slapping the "P" as they leave the locker room. Since I FiVo everything, I almost never take the time to watch title sequences - a few exceptions being THE OFFICE (another haunting theme song I love - it's actually the ring tone to my cell) and CHUCK (great use of song with image - and Joe's been trying to turn the Cake song into a ring tone for me for months).

Remember, though, when theme songs were so awesome you couldn't wait to hear them? Like the one for GROWING PAINS. Or FAMILY TIES. Or when THE COSBY SHOW started doing elaborate dance sequences each season, to a flavored variation on their theme. FACTS OF LIFE. KATE & ALLIE (which are back on TV in reruns on the Oxygen channel and oh! Oh! Love!).

In more recent years, I adored the title sequence to THE WEST WING, and, as embarassing as this is to admit, I love the part duing THE HILLS title sequence when the model juts her chin up to a beat in the music.

What are some of your favorite theme songs/title sequences?

On a completely different note, I wanted to link to a really cute interview Liz Gallagher did with me for her Vermont College alumni group blog, Through the Tollbooth. One correction: when I did the interview, I thought the Lifetime movie would be out by summer. Now it's looking like fall. And oh! Barbara, the excecutive producer, just sent me a "locked" version of the movie - edited, with actual music in place, as well as some new voice overs (many of which I got to write!). I'm saving the viewing for Sunday (my birthday) - best. Present. Ever!

Okay, so with this writer's strike, my TV watching time has been cut down by, like, 75%. Which has been good, to be honest. I'm cooking more, playing more Scrabble with J, getting more sleep, and overall being more productive.

But.

One show I can't NOT watch is this CROWNED: THE MOTHER OF ALL PAGEANTS. Holy cow. Have you seen this train wreck? Ten mother/daughter teams - some of which include actual pageant winners - compete weekly in "clinic" challenges (one week, daughters were in charge of choosing new swimsuits for their mothers and themselves) and regular challenges (that same week, they had to prepare a 1-minute fitness routine as a team). It's not the concept of the show that's so horrific, though, or even some of the silly things they make these women do. It's the bitches who are on the show, and how utterly cruel they are to one another. We're not talking about putting runs in people's pantyhose, either. Like, okay: the cast has split into two distinct factions: the nice ones, and the superbitches. During last night's clinic challenge, the mother/daughter teams had to stand on a rotating pedestal and smile while the other cast members tried to rattle their composure. Angela, Tenia's mother and undoubtedly the biggest, baddest superbitch, hurled insults at all the nice teams. Vicious insults. Like, to Moya and Jenileigh, who are currently homeless, Angela was yelling things about them being broke and about how her earrings probably cost more than their entire wardrobe or some such. Then she said to Jenileigh, who's a former Miss Wyoming, that if she was the best, she'd hate to see all the rest. (It got worse, trust me.)

Then there's Laura. Laura, Laura, Laura. The most spoiled redheaded brat I've ever seen. You'd think she was 12, but she's actually 23 and married (oh, how sorry do I feel for her husband?). She and Patty, her mother, are part of the superbitches, but Laura - now Laura's almost as bad as Angela, but for different reasons. While Angela eavesdrops on the nice ones' conversations, and criticizes everyone's looks/hair/outfit with the joyful glee of an eigth grader, Laura treats Patty like Patty is a brainless idiot whose sole purpose in life is to serve Laura. Now,Patty is one of those tanorexic older women who's already had so much plastic surgery that her face looks pinched and distorted (she's five years younger than my mom but looks about 10 years older). But I've now seen Laura reduce Patty to tears at least three times now. The girl gives her mother exactly zero percent respect, and everyone in the house - the nice part of the house - has noticed it, too. I wouldn't be surprised if one day we found out that Laura beats her husband up on a regular basis - physically, as well as emotionally.

The Delaware team got "de-sashed" last week, so now I'm pulling for Gina and Hollis, who are just about the cutest, sweetest, nicest-of-the-nice ones. I mean, they truly love each other, and talk to each other with genuine kindness and respect. So, yeah. I'm hoping they can catch that crown.

My other guilty pleasure of late is the show that comes on directly after crowned, and that is GOSSIP GIRL. Delicious! (More on that later.)

Some shows I'm NOT watching: CASHMERE MAFIA; ONE TREE HILL; THE APPRENTICE: CELEBRITY EDITION; AMERICAN GLADIATOR; DEAL OR NO DEAL; that weird dance-off show; and a whole lot more.

Off to meet Carolee for coffee at Panera!

So, now's the time in the fall TV season that I start voting shows (both new and old) off the island, so to speak. Previously I eliminated PRISON BREAK (didn't make it more than 10 minutes into the premiere before I said adios); CRIMINAL MINDS (never a staple, but I used to watch occasionally); all of the CSI/LAW & ORDER incarnations (though to be fair, most of those dropped off my map last year); and WITHOUT A TRACE. Tottering dangerously on the precipice are SHARK (bo-ring); COLD CASE (an old favorite that's begun to feel totally formulaic); PRIVATE PRACTICE (right now I'm holding on solely for Paul Anderson); CHUCK (I just don't care - but I heard Rachael Bilson is joining the cast, so I might have to stick around for her); and BIG SHOTS.

Now.

Yesterday I watched an episode of BIG SHOTS that I'd DVR'd on Thursday. Before firing it up, I told Joe that I was about done with BIG SHOTS, and he agreed. Then, something in the credits caught my eye: Diane Ruggiero, who fans of VERONICA MARS will immediately recognize, was listed as a producer of some sort. Then, ROB THOMAS was listed as a consulting producer. Finally, I saw that he'd co-written that night's episode.

My heart fell into my feet.

Here's the thing: BIG SHOTS sucks. I mean, really, really sucks. Seven episodes in, and we're STILL hearing about the fallout of Duncan's tryst with the truck stop tranny. Even before I finished the episode, I'd deleted the series from my "to be recorded" list.

And then.

I did a little digging today and it turns out that Rob and Diane were only JUST hired to work on BIG SHOTS - my guess is that they were hired as a last-ditch attempt to save the show. AND it turns out that the very last scene of the episode wrapped up that stupid truck stop tranny story line, so maybe this was the transition episode - the one before BIG SHOTS gets it's Rob-n-Diane injection that will goodify it for the viewing audience.

I'm reprogramming it tonight. I'll give it three more episodes before I decide for sure.

The other recently axed program: RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (I watched mostly because Jennifer is played by the cousin of a woman in my writing group, but I can't stand David Spade and don't have the time to keep watching crap, even if it is out of loyalty)

Some new shows NOT in danger of being voted off the island any time soon: THE BIG BANG THEORY; PUSHING DAISIES; DIRTY SEXY MONEY.

And, per usual, a plug for FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS: watchitwatchitwatchitwatchitwatchitwatchitwatchitwatchitwatchitwatchitwatchitwatchit.

Last night, Joe and I started arguing over who was going to be the next to get bumped from TOP MODEL (after the next show, which I think is the makeover episode, yippee!). I say it's going to be either Ebony or Yale Girl, because I have a theory about the placement of the girls on the group photo that flashes at the end. He swears it's going to be Jenna, and I think that's just foolish, because you just know she's going to make it to the top six and go on whatever fabulous trip they send the girls on this year. In the middle of this argument, I say, "Oh my god, I can't believe we're arguing over TOP MODEL. You are the BEST BOYFRIEND EVER."

I reversed that declaration when his pick for TOP CHEF kicked my pick's ass. As penance for losing a mini-bet, I now have to learn how to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on his guitar. Which isn't really bad, as far as penances go.

Finally, I leave you with this: 4,763*



(* Number of brain cells lost when Joe made me watch the series premiere of CAVEMEN with him. From the DVR, no less.)

So, the first big wave of new fall shows debuted this past week, and I have to say - it's a pretty mixed bag. Granted, I still have DVR'd episodes of JOURNEYMAN,CANE, BIG SHOTS, MOONLIGHT, and a couple of other shows I'm forgetting I recorded yet to watch, but ...

Well, here's what I'm thinking:

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - so glad this show is back. I hope it finds a bigger audience now that Marshall got some exposure for KNOCKED UP.

BIG BANG THEORY - has potential. Joe laughed more than I did, but I think it's because he gets more nerd humor than I do.

CHUCK - also has potential. Something interesting: do a Google Images search on Josh Schwartz and you'll understand why Chuck and Seth look the way they do.

HEROES - also glad this show is back. Not sure I'm liking the Wonder Twins, but I don't really know them well enough yet. Odd thought: if Claire's new boy can fly just like her daddy, could they possibly be related?

HOUSE - good first episode. I'm still with you, House.

PRIVATE PRACTICE - eh. It's like ALLY MCBEAL, only with doctors instead of lawyers. I have a feeling this will be the first new show I kill.

DIRTY SEXY MONEY - *loves* it. Maybe my favorite new show of the season.

GOSSIP GIRL - was enjoying it until the last five minutes of the second episode. Where does Dan get off? And why did Serena let him treat her like that? I might write a separate post about this, because I feel like it was so double standardy anti-girl.

UGLY BETTY - glorious return! Plus, the last five minutes made Joe cry.

GREY'S ANATOMY - almost as glorious a return! Plus, the last five minutes made me cry. (I've always been a fan of the Gizzy tip.)

MY NAME IS EARL - still funny.

THE OFFICE - still VERY funny - and yay for the way they handled the whole Jim and Pam thing.


Still have the Sunday night lineup yet to go, and next week - oh, next week my absolute favorite show, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, returns. And, like I said, I still have quite a few shows left to watch. But on the whole, I think there are a lot more promising series this season than there were last.

Friday night is Bum Night in my house. Joe and I usually get takeout and watch movies or, more recently, all of the TV shows we've recorded during the week but hadn't had time to watch. I should state for the record that prior to dating me, Joe's entire TV consumption consisted of STARGATE ATLANTIS and whatever was playing on the Discovery channel. Yet this week, my boyfriend - best boyfriend EVER - actually sat down and watched not only the season premiere of AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL, but also GOSSIP GIRL.

So, GOSSIP GIRL. I liked it, for the most part, though very little of it resembles the book series. I mean, the names are the same, and Blair is pretty much how I envisioned Blair. But. Josh Schwartz and co. have given the rest of the crew huge personality makeovers. Like, Serena has a soul, and her older brother Erik is now a younger bro and has a story line of his own. Dan is no longer an annoying, whiney poet boy, but a cute NY version of Seth Cohen with a smidge more cheekiness. Jenny doesn't have much of a rack, Rufus is a hottie who has some kind of mysterious past with Serena's lovely mama, Nate wants more than pot, and Chuck ... Chuck is maybe my favorite makeover. Because TV Chuck is how Chuck was earlier in the book series - you know, before the monkey and pink leather pants. Just a total slime-ball, in a deliciously evil kind of way. But where is Vanessa? I miss Vanessa.

And of course, there's Kristen Bell as Gossip Girl herself. I love the narration - I really do - but it interferes with my theory that GG is really Chuck.

The other new star in my Wednesday night lineup is KID NATION, which I was prepared to hate but ended up completely sucked into. If you don't know the premise: 40 kids are sent to live in a ghost town in New Mexico and run it themselves for 40 days. Like, they have to cook and clean and do laundry and run businesses and have town hall meetings and everything. I got Joe to watch it because I told him I read in EW that some of the kids drank bleach water by accident and it caused a big controversy about the safety of the kids. So the whole pilot he's squirming, waiting for these little kids to drink bleach. (He is weird.) Most heartbreaking moment? This adorable 8-year-old sobbing, "I'm only eight. I'm in the third grade. I'm too young to be here." He left after four days and I was glad. Poor little guy.

Of course, next week is when the big guns return, and lots of potentially great shows will debut. (It's so bad, we're going to the Comcast office later today to pick up a second DVR box. There are actually days where we want to tape four channels during the same time slot. I have a feeling my Friday nights are going to get longer and longer and longer - at least until the networks start canceling stuff.)

So, what new shows am I excited about?

- Journeyman (Mondays, NBC, 10 p.m.)
- Chuck (Tuesdays, NBC, 9 p.m.)
- Pushing Daisies, Private Practice, & Dirty Sexy Money (Wednesdays, ABC, 8 p.m. on)
- Big Shots (Thursdays, ABC, 10 p.m.)

As for returning shows, I am most stoked about:

- How I Met Your Mother (Mondays, CBS, 8 p.m.)
- Heroes (Mondays, NBC, 9 p.m.)
- Ugly Betty & Grey's Anatomy (Thursdays, ABC, 8 p.m. on)
- Earl, 30 Rock, Office, & Scrubs (Thursdays, NBC, 8 p.m. on)
- Friday Night Lights (Fridays, NBC, 10 p.m.) - just got the first season on DVD from NBC.com - on sale for $19.99!
- Brothers & Sisters (Sundays, ABC, 10 p.m.)


Like I said, I think Friday nights are going to get longer and longer. Because really, who has time to watch that much TV during the week? I mean, I didn't even list all of the reality TV shows I'm now hooked on, or all of the stuff on cable that's rocking hardcore.

But you know, my cousin Zach and I were talking the other night, and he said that he doesn't even like to go to the movies anymore, because TV is so much better. Watch a couple episodes of DAMAGES and I dare you to disagree.


BTW, thanks to all of you who left such nice comments about the Lifetime news. I'm still in shock - and still trying to find out more info. Mostly I'm just incredibly excited. You dream of something like this happening, and then one day you go on YouTube and see JoJo talking about a movie based on your book and it's so freaking surreal ...

Back to the real world - and back to work!

Dear Television Viewing Public:

Could you please explain to me why you are not watching the most excellent TV show of the 2006-07 season? That would be FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, in case you've had your head up your bum for the past six months.

If this show dies an untimely death, I'm holding all of you responsible.

There, I said it.

NOW GO WATCH.

They show repeats on Bravo. Otherwise, tune into NBC on Wednesday nights at 8 p.m.

That is all.

1. FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. This is probably one of my favorite shows on the air right now. Not just new shows, either. Rob Thomas interviewed for the head writer position when he wasn't sure about the fate of VM on CW, but the job eventually went to Jason Katims. Recognize the name? Fans of MY SO-CALLED LIFE and ROSWELL do. No wonder I'm bowled over by the smart, poignant, yet still funny writing week after week. Oh, and the whole Lyla Garrity thread - tonight's episode was titled "It's Different for Girls" - is just genius. Pure genius.

2. HOUSE. Even with the annoying crazy cop-out-to-get-House thread, this show rocks. Quite a feat, considering the almost every episode goes something like this:

- Patient arrives sick; soon we learn he or she is on the brink of death
- House makes a diagnosis. It's wrong; patient's condition worsens
- House makes another diagnosis. If he's right, the corresponding treatment will save the patient's life. If he's wrong, the patient will die.
- Somewhere between this point and the heart-stopping climactic scene, House makes fun of his increasingly jaded staff (racist joke at Foreman's expense, puppy dog joke at Cameron's expense, WASP-y joke at Chase's expense); Cuddy yells at House for something he did/said/thought; Dr. Wilson is brought in because it might be cancer of (insert organ here); House pops a lot of pills and accuses the patient or the patient's family of lying about something vitally important
- Right before the patient is about to expire, someone says something completely unrelated to the case that causes a lightbulb to flash over House's head. Then, armed with the correct diagnosis, he proceeds to save patient's life only seconds before the poor sap flatlines
- Roll credits

3. NIP/TUCK. Even though tonight was the season finale, and even though this is hands-down one of the silliest shows on TV, I effing *love* it. Why? Lines like, "Friends don't shoot each other's anetesiologists." Ohhhh, you just know that's an EW soundbite of the week. And then there are scenes like the highlight of this episode, an extended, overly earnest homage to Magnolia in which all of the characters lip-synched to some overly earnest song with even more overly earnest lyrics. I think I might have peed myself just a little. Then, just when you think the show can't possibly get even more ludicrous - though not quite as ludicrous as Rosie O'Donnell declaring the show "absolutely brilliant" and "the best written on TV" (I swear the woman has started sprinkling crack on her Rice Krispies) - there's the genius twist of an ending that already has me salivating for next season.


The "new" TV season is already half over and I never did get around to doing my "Best New Shows" roundup. One of my favorites got canceled very early on (KIDNAPPED); an early favorite has gotten overshadowed by an unexpected favorite (still liking STUDIO 60, but am surprised to discover I'd be way more upset if FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS got canceled); and I am happy to note that what could've been a totally dippy sitcom makes me laugh out loud each and every episode (THE CLASS). As for the returning shows: my verdict is still out on GILMORE; VM is spotty and I'm totally unsatisfied by how the Hearst rapist storyline concluded; and the show I thought I'd have given up on by now (THE OC) is one of the bright spots of my FiVo'd week. Seriously! I'm all about THE OC in a way I haven't been since Season 1. (So sad about Adam and Rachel breaking up, though, huh?)

Final TV comment before turning in for the night: watching old SCRUBS reruns on Comedy Central makes watching the new season even more painful. Remember how funny Zach Braff was before GARDEN STATE? Remember when Sarah Chalke's Elliot wasn't a complete cartoon character? Remember when Turk was bathed in awesome sauce? Okay, he still is. But the rest of the cast, minus Carla, has devolved into mediocre-at-best buffoons. Sad, sad. I can only hope that Jim-from-THE OFFICE's burgeoning film career won't turn him into Zach part deux, because I am all about the Jim. All. About. The. JIM.

Today's topic: game shows.

Now, even before I heard about the existence of GAME SHOW MARATHON, I was having a strange love affair with game shows.

It started when I was at my parents' house and we saw this show on the Discovery Channel called CASH CAB. The premise is interesting: people in NYC hail a cab, and by random they're picked up by the Cash Cab. They then get the opportunity to answer questions and win money during their cab ride. People who are going 17 blocks can obviously win more money than people who are only going 7 blocks, but like PRESS YOUR LUCK (no whammies, no whammies, no whammies - STOP!), you only get so many opportunities to answer incorrectly before you lose everything. Then, when you get to your destination, they offer you double or nothing based on ONE question. Fascinating stuff!

Then I started watching this show on BBC America called BARGAIN HUNT. This isn't so much a game show as it is a challenge, I guess. But teams of two are given 200 pounds ($$$) and an antiques expert and have one hour to spend their money on stuff they think will turn a profit at auction. The host is this totally weird dude with big ugly hair and floppy liver lips that looks more like a cartoon of a man than an actual man. Most people lose money in a big, big way, but I did see one team win 150 "quid" (winners get to keep any profit they make).

The third thing was that I caught a rerun of MATCH GAME '74 on the Game Show Network. This was interesting on so many levels. First of all, it was fun to see all of these '70s stars in the celebrity seats, like



Agnes Gooch from AUNTIE MAME and Richard Dawson from FAMILY FEUD! But also: I realized that game shows like MATCH GAME were these perfect time capsules for a different era. For example, one of the items was ____ David. My first thought? Craig David. But of course, he didn't exist in 1974 - or if he did, not as a crappy singer. Three of the celebs offered possible matches, but then Richard Dawson says, "Mogen David," and I was like, "Huh?" But apparently this was the number one answer. And later, when I told my parents about this, they told me that Mogen David was a wine company or something.

So I watch MATCH GAME whenever I can, and it's so fascinating to me to see where my mind goes versus where the celeb's minds go versus what the audience's number one answers are.

Flash forward to GAME SHOW MARATHON, which mostly sucks - Ricki Lake tries too hard to be campy, and they have seriously bad celeb contestants (with the exception of Paige Davis, who is so enthusiastic it's adorable, and Tim Meadows, who is the pimp). But. It's fun to see the classic clips, and I was so psyched when they played LET'S MAKE A DEAL. That was my favorite as a little kid, and I used to think up costume ideas so I could be on the show. Then my mom told me it had been canceled and I couldn't be on the show, and I was crushed. But I still liked it.

I guess this means I've moved into a new phase. For the past six months or so, I've been obsessed with the Food Network, because I was trying to slip into the world of my WIP (first draft = completed). Now I'm working on something else, so I've been watching another channel (no hints - I swear I'm not saying a word about this book until three months before it comes out), but it's not as much fun as hanging out with Alton and Rachael and Giada and Ina. Thus, the second default channel is now the Game Show Network. Seriously.

Last TV bit of the day: I caught a couple of episodes of SHOWBIZ MOMS & DADS yesterday while I was cleaning, and OH MY GOD. This dude moved his wife and seven kids from Vermont to a two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. He says it's for them - to make them stars - but the kids don't WANT to be stars. And I'm sorry, but I swear the guy is closeted. There is absolutely nothing hetero about him. I don't know how he made seven kids. NINE PEOPLE IN A TWO BEDROOM, ONE BATHROOM APARTMENT? There must be laws against that kind of thing.

Ciao for now,
L.

At long last, my take on the GILMORE GILRS/VERONICA MARS season finales, using Jen's own dissection as a jumping off point. (WARNING: there ARE spoilers here, so don't read if you don't want to know!)

GILMORE GIRLS:

Things Jen Liked:

(1) Lorelai finally giving Luke an ultimatum. Honestly, I'm not sure how it's physically possible for Luke to have his head THAT far up his ass while wearing a baseball cap. It must violate at least like eight laws of physics. My heart has broken for Lorelai so many times this season, and even though this scene was the final blow, something about it was really cathartic. It would have been MORE cathartic, though, if someone had (a) pointed out to Luke that there is NO LOGICAL REASON WHATSOEVER to keep his fiance and his daughter apart, and (b) then bitch slapped him upside the head. Still, Lauren Graham's performance was great.

LARA SAYS: I agree with this one hundred percept. It's weird, because fans who disliked this season did so more because there were problems between Luke and Lorelai, and not because Luke was acting like a tool and Lorelai was uncharacteristically passive. Like they weren't questioning how Luke was reacting to the April situation, but that he and Lorelai weren't blissfully happy.

(2) Any and all interaction between Christopher and Lorelai. I am totally a somewhat closeted Chris/Lor shipper, and I love it when they reference growing up together and their childhood antics. Sometimes, it's easy to forget that Christopher was Lorelai's best friend growing up, and her partner in crime, as well as her first everything, and I love getting to see that close friendship dynamic, even when they aren't together.

For the longest time, I wanted them to get together. But the first season of the Luke/Lorelai romance was so awesome, I let go of my Chris/Lor fantasies. Now, however, I kind of want her to end up with Chris.

(3) I thought it was frigging awesome when Logan's dad laid the smack down on Rory in the elevator. Not everything's about you, Gilmore. Does anyone else find it annoying that she's perfectly capable of standing up to him NOW, when she hasn't really been wronged, even though she was such a complete wimp last year?

I don't think it's annoying so much as appropriate. He decimated her, and then she grew and changed and got stronger. I think it's in character for her to be mouthing off. Look at how she handled Emily! (Oh, and by the way - I remember the episode we disagreed on. It was the one where the Gilmores had it out after Lorelai's and Rory's reconciliation - the last fifteen minutes where it was all jump cuts alternating between them screaming and crying and laughing - I thought it was brilliant, and you were not as impressed.)

(4) All the musical guest stars and the whole troubador plotline.

Eh. I could take it or leave it.

(5) The continuity fairy's visit with the reference to Lor's season 1/2 engagement to Max.

Yeah, I liked that too.

(6) Lorelai's expressed desire to have another child.

Ditto.


Things Jen Didn't Like:

(1) Overall, I'm a little dissatisfied with Luke's storyline right now. I'm not sure I completely buy the way he's acted toward Lorelai since discovering April. I just feel like there's a missing piece of the puzzle that I'm just not getting here. He's obviously scared of marrying Lor now, but he was so very steadfast before, and I can't quite figure out whether his backing away from Lorelai is based on the fact that she was finally ready, or whether he actually somehow thinks this is what's best for April. I also can't understand how Luke could care about Rory the way he does and somehow deny Lorelai the opportunity to even meet April. And I can't understand why hasn't turned to Lor for advice all along. I feel a little bit like we're supposed to write this all of to Luke being a guy with a Luke-ish personality, but I don't think that's much of an explanation.

LARA SAYS: I thought it was really out of character for Luke, too. Esp. after the birthday party thing. Why didn't he stand up to Anna? He can't say it's because he's afraid of losing April. Luke isn't that big of a wuss. I can imagine him suing her for visitation rights before I could imagine him rolling over for some ex-girlfriend, you know?

(2) The party Rory threw for Logan. Her British accent annoyed me, and I really didn't expect her to react to the Mitchum confrontation that way. She agrees that Logan needs to grow up, and I guess I can see her wanting to give him one last hurrah, but considering the fact that he really just wanted to be with her, I found it a little off, especially considering how much she bitched and moaned about not getting to spend special alone time together during graduation.

My mom's big complaint was that Rory never said "I love you." I thought the party was cool but questioned why she threw it on the night before he left. That, to me, would be a quiet girlfriend night. And while I know she agreed with Mitchum, and I did, too - I think it would show more maturity on Logan's part to stand up to his father and live without the Huntzburger (sp?) income for a while. She should've asked him to stay, and I'm kind of pissed that she didn't. Or, at the very least, why didn't she go with him for the summer?

(3) Speaking of graduation, I was a little disappointed that they didn't even hint at any of the Yaleness of it, but then again, that's probably just me.

Yeah, I don't know anything about that. Sorry.


VERONICA MARS:

Things Jen Liked:

(1) I was right about Beaver. I like being right.

LARA SAYS: I give you props for that.

(2) The exchange between Veronica and Van Clemmons when she receives her diploma. The whole "I can't figure out if my life is going to be easier or harder without you around ... any words of advice in case I ever get another one like you?" "Don't tape all of your passwords to the bottom of your stapler." Hehehe. That's my girl.

Okay, I had no idea the dude's name was VAN. You amaze me. Anyway, yeah - funny line.

(3) The revelation about what REALLY happened (finally) at Shelly Pomeroy's party, and the emotional tailspin Veronica's headed for as a result.

I was shocked by it - not expecting it - but I didn't love this revelation. Actually, the who chlamydia thing felt really far-fetched. Because if she got it from Beaver, who got it from Woody - how long was Woody abusing the Beav? And how come he was never symptomatic, but she was? And was Rob Thomas really expecting us to believe that in the whole time she and Logan were actually going out, they never DID IT? The Beaver revelation - that he was the one who raped her at Shelly's party - felt tacked on. Like it wasn't in the master plan all along. But then again, a lot of things were like that. In the original pilot, Duncan is older than Lilly and breaks up with Veronica when her dad goes after his dad for Lilly's murder. Later the motive was revised so that Duncan did it before Lilly died because he thought V might be his sister. I don't like revisionist histories much.

(4) I thought the acting in the Veronica/Beaver confrontation scene was absolutely superb by both actors. Who knew Beav could be so dang scary? And Kristen Bell is a goddess.

But it was also uncomfortable. Like, okay: the "Trip to the Dentist" episode was so brilliant, it took my breath away. I watched it twice in a row. Everything came together so cohesively that it was like the final sequence in THE SIXTH SENSE, when you're like - OH MY GOD, HE WAS DEAD ALL ALONG! The thing with Beaver never felt like that. In fact, it felt forced. It felt like the writers weren't sure who blew up the bus until half way through the season or something. It just didn't have that same tightness that "Trip to the Dentist" did.

(5) The fact that Duncan's appearance in the episode was limited calling Clarence Wiedman and having him shoot Aaron. Best Duncan scene ever. And did anyone but me notice the "CW?" "Done deal" exchange and the fact that it's a nifty little Rob Thomas reference to the fact that the CW was (hopefully, at that point), going to pick up VM?

I didn't notice. But yay for Season 3!

(6) Lilly was back! I wasn't actually in love with the dream sequence, but Lilly's one of my fave characters on VM, and I was glad to see her, if only for a second. I totally wish Rob Thomas would do some kind of crazy supernatural Lilly-centric spin-off, even though it couldn't really happen, given the lack of the supernatural in the VM world.

Here's a place where I need to disagree. Get your Lilly fix on BIG LOVE instead.


Things Jen Didn't Like:

(1) The overall structure of season two given how it all went down in the end. In season 1, I really felt like Veronica uncovered a lot of important information throughout the season, and it built logically to a completely unexpected (even though I called that one, too) conclusion. With season two, the mystery was a lot less coherent, and the unmasking of Beaver as the villain was too abrupt. There just weren't enough moments that made perfect sense in retrospect once it was clear that Beaver was the bad guy. I felt like I was watching the end of a two hour movie, not an entire season of television.

LARA SAYS: Agreed, one hundred percent.

(2) The fact that Weevil got arrested DURING graduation. As much of a jerk as Lamb is, I have some doubts that they'd actually bust into a high school graduation to arrest someone, especially considering they could have easily done it before and considering the fact that all of the 09-ers parents would probably be greatly displeased to have the ceremony interrupted that way. Lamb spends so much time kissing 09-er booty that it makes no sense whatsoever for him to risk making them mad in order to arrest one PCH-er for doing something to another PCH-er. The entire purpose of the scene was to pull on our heart chords, not to make sense. I also have some doubts that they have enough evidence to arrest Weevil at all- all they've got is testimony from two little kids that they saw him knock the guy out. Nothing else. I mean, there wasn't a body, right? Also, I'm a little skeptical about the kids being able to positively ID both Thumper and Weevil from inside a van at night time beyond all shadow of a doubt.

This was one of my big pet peeves, too, though my biggest Season 2 pet peeve was the Aaron Echols trial which was the worst-written court case on TV. Seriously, law by Judge Judy makes more sense. But I digress. Lamb wouldn't disrupt graduation like that. It would've been more heartwrenching if Weevil had walked, smiled at his Gram, and then was quietly escorted out in handcuffs.

(3) The fact that nothing in this episode made the previous episode any less crappy.

In conclusion, I thought this was (in isolation) actually a really good EPISODE of Veronica Mars, and I enjoyed it more than Gilmore, but at the same time, I thought the Gilmore episode was a better FINALE than the VM one.

LARA SAYS: I was really, really disappointed with the VM season finale - much more than that of GILMORE. Like you said, nothing crystalized the way it did with Season 1. But also: you could tell by the writing/editing that this was clearly a two-hour episode smushed into one hour of TV. Too many gaps, too many quick cutaways, scenes ending five or ten beats too soon. And as you mentioned in a different post, why couldn't they have waited to wrap up the whole Jaokie storyline (which also felt a little out of the blue). Plus, we never found out about any of the following:

- Kendall's relationship to the Fighting Fitzpatricks
- Meg's parents' abuse
- Why Wallace's mom lied to Keith
- In the same vein, why Wallace took off at all (I still maintain he was off making a movie)
- And like you mentioned, the secret of Mac's parentage (leftover from Season1 - when are they going to deal with that again?)

I'm sure there are more loose ends I'm forgetting about, but the overall point is that there were too many for me to feel satisfied with Season 2. The best part about the whole season was when they sent Duncan off to some island. Good riddance!

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - Could Marshall and Lily BE any cuter? And I have to say: well done, Doogie. Well done.

SCRUBS - When is someone going to get Mandy Moore her own series? Oh, and Turk's take on BBD's "Poison" almost made me pee my pants. I was so over SCRUBS last season, because I thought GARDEN STATE had gotten to Zach Braff's head, but I've been pleasantly surprised by this year's episodes.

ONE TREE HILL - Dude, Hardy Jens is back! And he looks like crap! Also, who cuts Chad Michael Farthead's hair? He looks like he's wearing a bad toupee.

PROJECT RUNWAY - Is tonight the night that Santino's going home? I sure hope so.

THE OFFICE - I watched the pilot episode last season and was so unimpressed that I ignored the rest. Then I accidentally caught the one this season where Jim is instituting Office Olympics and got all hooked on it. Now I'm dying for him to tell Pam his feelings because I hate hate HATE her fiance Roy. But also: this show and MY NAME IS EARL give me the biggest out loud laughs of any other sitcoms except for maybe HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. Oh, and FOUR KINGS.

Damn. I watch way too much TV. The good news is that the DVR cuts down my viewing time, because I can fast forward through all of the commercials. I will purposely work late so that I can watch the shows I like taped rather than live because I hate commercials so much. It reminds me of how, in MICROSERFS, Dan and his friends watch TV on fast forward with subtitles to cram in MELROSE PLACE.

A lovely editor friend who shares my affection for ENTOURAGE forwarded me the link to this most excellent article about the show and, most notably, Jeremy Piven, who plays agent Ari Gold. (I told her that I giggle every time I think of my own agent - an opera-loving gentleman who says things like "More anon" - spewing Ari's catchphrase: "Let's hug it out, bitch.")

ANYWAY.

Lately I've noticed that I have minor crushes on older age-appropriate Hollywood guys with dark hair. Like Vince Vaughn. I love Vince Vaugh. And Justin Theroux, who's on the cover of this month's BUST. And ... oh, yeah. Lots of yummy dark-haired older men.

*insert kitten growl here*